GUARANTEE: Try dialogue for 60 days – once a day for 60 days. If you do this, your couple relationship will improve. After 60 days, if you are not satisfied that improvement has occurred, you can have your old relationship refunded.
CHALLENGE: Will you make a commitment to each other to dialogue daily, or as nearly daily as possible, for 60 days? Then you can decide how, and how often, you will use dialogue to continue strengthening your marriage.
SUGGESTIONS: for using these dialogue questions: Use them in any order you choose. If you prefer, write your own questions as a couple – or together choose dialogue questions from the websites listed at the end of this handout. It is often
helpful to dialogue for several days on variations of a question or on a series of
ABBREVIATIONS : HDIF = how do I feel?
1. What did I most look forward to today? HDIF sharing this with you?
2. How important is non-verbal communication in our dialogue? HDIFAT?
3. What is the most fun thing we have done together recently? HDIFAT?
4. HDIF hearing you laugh?
5. What was the most significant thing that happened in our relationship on our
6. When did I feel closest to you today? HDIF about my answer?
7. What is the nicest thing you did for me this week? HDIFAT?
8. HDIF when you make a sacrifice for us?
9. In what specific area do I need your help most? HDIFAT?
10. How does my self-image affect our relationship? HDIFAT?
11. What stage of relationship do I see us in right now – romance,
disillusionment, or joy? HDIFAT?
12. HDIF when we put other things ahead of our relationship?
13. HDIF when we can spend a quiet evening together?
14. YOU are my gift from God. HDIFAT?
15. Knowing we have the choice whether to continue what the Weekend started,
16. Do I react, or do I respond, when I feel upset in our relationship? HDIFAT?
17. HDIF when I hear we have a stake in the marriages of other couples?
18. In what areas do I not listen to you? HDIF about my answer?
19. HDIF when you cry?
HDIFAT = how do I feel about that?
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20. HDIF about sharing my deepest feelings with you in dialogue?
21. Am I choosing the direction of my life, or are the circumstances of my life
directing me? HDIFAT?
22. Is God a meaningful part of our lives? HDIFAT?
23. HDIF about our relationship when we have said something hurtful to each
24. HDIF when I think about love being a decision?
25. What quality in you do I admire most? HDIFAT?
26. HDIF when we hold hands in public?
27. What attitude of mine threatens the unity in our relationship? HDIFAT?
28. What do I like about you? Make a list. HDIFAT?
29. HDIF about the way I express my anger toward you?
30. HDIF when I/you don’t want to dialogue?
31. HDIF when you listen without judgment to a painful feeling I am sharing?
32. HDIF when I try to convince you of something and you don’t agree?
33. Knowing our relationship can impact other couples’ marriages, HDIF about
going to Core and other UME activities?
34. HDIF when we are physically apart?
35. HDIF about taking the initiative in making love?
36. What are my feelings when I don’t want to make love but do anyway?
37. HDIF about visiting my/your relatives?
38. HDIF when I think you are putting the children ahead of me?
39. HDIF when you correct or criticize me in public?
40. In what way can I help you better understand me? HDIFAT?
41. HDIF about this statement in God’s love letter, the Bible? Ephesians 5:21
(NRSV): “Be subject to one another out of reference for Christ.”
42. If I knew death would separate us tomorrow, what one thing would I do
today? HDIF about my answer?
43. God wants our couple love to encourage and be an example for the world.
44. HDIF when you criticize me?
45. HDIF about this statement in God’s love letter, the Bible? Ephesians 5:25
(NRSV): “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the Church and gave
Himself up for her.”
46. What is my deepest fear? HDIF sharing this with you?
47. HDIF when you have a strong interest which I do not share?
48. “Live within my love.” John 15:9 (Living Bible). What does this mean to me?
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49. Have I ever felt used or rejected when we make love? Describe this feeling
fully in loving detail.
50. HDIF when I make the decision to love you for the sake of our relationship?
51. HDIF when our routines or different interests separate us?
52. HDIF about this statement in God’s love letter, the Bible? Ephesians 5:33
(NRSV): “However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the
wife see that she respects her husband.”
53. HDIF about using dialogue to share our feelings on my or your death?
54. HDIF about fully sharing our feelings in dialogue before moving on to problem
solving or loving discussion?
55. One regret I have is . . . What are my feelings about that?
56. What do I remember most about our wedding day? HDIFAT?
57. HDIF when we pray together?
58. What is one quality of yours that I would like to see in our children? HDIF
about my answer?
59. How do I see God more clearly because of being married to you? HDIFAT?
60. What are my feelings about continuing the gift of dialogue?
United Marriage Encounter® P.O. Box 209, Muscatine IA 52761-0209 USA
1-866-483-8889 1-563-264-8889 Fax 1-563-264-3363
For more dialogue questions click here